The will of God

As student teaching has come to an end and graduation in May is that much closer, my thoughts are frequently consumed by possibilities for the future. Decision-making has never been a strong point of mine, so this is cause for episodes of wide-eyed-and-mind-spinning nights in bed, freak-outs on the swings by Fischer, exhausting flip-flopping of opinions after each conversation with people I thought would have the answer, and desires for chocolate :) I so long to just go wherever the Lord wants me, but how are you supposed to find that? You'd think I would have this process down by now, but somehow I always worry that I'll make the wrong decision.

I did happen upon a wise women today who expressed her belief on finding God's will: "I've learned in life that it's not about the bulls-eye method; God's will does not have to be one specific organization with a specific group of people in a specific place. God's will is more like a canvas: He gives you choices within the boundaries of the canvas. There are many options that would be just as 'perfect'". That was SO helpful! I grew up thinking that the Lord thought in bulls-eye terms, but that is such a limited, human way of viewing life! God is so much bigger than that. Do I not think that I could glorify God in multiple contexts? Is He not powerful enough to work in my life wherever I am? Sure, He has given us the Holy Spirit to guide us in certain directions, but I think we have the freedom to choose from lots of great options. Going outside of my canvas might mean deciding to work at Starbucks for the rest of my life, or choosing to be a writer, or becoming a professional dancer. That just wouldn't make sense for me as an education major who is passionate about children and missions...that's outside of the canvas for me.

What's comforting is knowing that the Lord already knows where I will decide to go (as I follow the Holy Spirit's leading and use the knowledge that He has given me to make the best decision at this time of my life). Because of that, He has been preparing me and my future colleagues for my arrival. How cool is that?!!? It's a pretty freeing feeling. And to know that yes, we're human and we do make mistakes....but is God not big enough to use them for good??

What an exciting future we have ahead of us, knowing that the Lord will be with us every step of the way. This probably sounds cheesy, but I'm so ready to explore the world!

"When I know that I know what You have down the road - when I'm sure that I've figured You out - help me see that I'm small...that I can't know it all. You're so unpredictable!"
~Francesca Battistelli

In this first week of student teaching, it's interesting that what has been on my heart the most has nothing to do with lesson plans or theories or concerns about how to implement "best practice". Instead, it's been a question about my faith: How much do I reflect the love of God? This placement in a public school has forced me to think how I come across to non-believers who interact with me on a daily basis. I've already seen how easy it is to fall into negativity and a life filled with glass-half-empty thoughts and comments. I get the mental image of a that blade of grass being blown and tossed by the wind....I don't want to be that!! I grew up as a Christian - I should be as solid a rock.

But here I go again, relying on myself to spread the light. Isn't it a relief that we just have to lay ourselves down in front of the Father and tell Him we are willing to be used in whatever capacity He wants? I started reading Twinkle (yes, I actually did buy it simply for the title, but it's turning out to be quite good), and it led me to Philippians 2:14-16. We are told to do everything without complaining...so that we might "shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life". What an absolutely beautiful combination of words and images! Positivity and hopefullness (about students, work loads, other teachers, administration, and yes, even the PTA) can be the revealing light in a world darkened by grunt-filled obligations. It almost seems too simple, doesn't it? That simply being positive and joyful could radiate a life-giving light. I guess that's where giving ourselves over to the work of the Holy Spirit comes in - it has to be a divine light to be life-giving, and we can only give that off if we are overflowing with the Spirit's power.

So my prayer this week is that, by the Spirit's power, I may spread the light through positivity - to my 9 year-old students, my cooperating teacher, and anyone else the Lord brings my way! My oh my....what a challenge, but what a blessing to work in a public elementary school.

End of Junior Year

Hello, my name is Christine Elizabeth Will! And I am currently writing this blog post with the help of my dear friend and roommate, Emily Jeanette Goldberg.

Tonight our suite and several other loving friends took our engaged roommate, Laura, out for a small bridal shower to our new favorite chocolate hang out, Le Chocolat, in Naperville- our Ethel's Chocolate Bar replacement! We embarrassed her with special gifts and captured the evening with many photos and Emily even graced us with some of her fantabulous singing (she, the typist, is wondering if she should take that embarrassing piece of information out but Christine is the blogger so it can stay...) (She says that means I'm a true friend that I would leave something embarrassing about myself in her blog just because she wants it there.)

We are on the verge of a dramatic change in our lives. What is one to do on such an evening? How do roommates who have lived together for two years take advantage of the last moments of rooming together? (The typist is considering crying now). (The typist and the blogger are now hugging). I guess for one thing, we can finally take our suite pictures... we were supposed to take a series of pictures every year on the eve of Heather's birthday, but this year they've been postponed until tonight. The pictures are a representation of our personality and suite dynamics, and they have been framed all over our apartment. It's quite fitting that Andrew's here, since he's been here since the beginning and he's now here for the last moments. Too bad it's not raining, or we could go have another puddle-jumping, lightning-striking evening together (We had one last week).

(The typist would like to add that she absolutely adores the blogger and the other two beautiful roommates, and that living with them has been one of the best gifts God has ever given her.)

Oh! Let's talk about the first time we met you (me)!

OK. I tutored with you, but I don't think I really got to know you until- did I bust in on you and Heather having  a Saga date? No, WE were having one and you busted in on us! (Heather invited me).

Some prominent flashbacks are sitting on Heather's bed, Fischer 4West, watching Anne of Green Gables, and like, cuddling automatically. There was no awkward time of you know, trying to fit into each other's physical space. And then, basically, very shortly after that we all knew that we wanted you to live with us. (Typist's note: After that same Anne of GG night, I left, called Mary, and said, "I want to live with these girls!!"). And shortly after THAT came the cup with your name and its meaning written on it (they all had those already) and an extra toothbrush for you in our bathroom. For some reason the first time you slept over I felt like we were having a true college experience. I thought, 'This is what college is all about'. (Yay).

And then came the bathroom conversations (we always have really long, deep conversations in the bathroom, for some reason. Seriously.) We didn't know we were getting our own personal counselor and therapist (Typist: Groan. :-)). No, it's a great thing! It's a gift.

Heather says: I didn't expect to look at the mirror in the morning and see her smile at herself (Typist: GROAN. This is one of the quirks that came up when we made lists of each other's quirks at dinner this week...)... and then I would smile back at you in the mirror and we would smile at each other and then hug, every morning. (Aw).

Christine again... Oh, of course, even though we lived in the same suite we still had to have SLEEPOVERS! Losing hours of sleep was totally worth sleeping right next to each other in the same bed. (The typist agrees. Yay for sleepovers in a twin upper bunk. A REALLY HIGH upper bunk.)

Heather adds that she hadn't known what spooning was previously... hahaha...

(The typist can't add anything of her own because she's too emotional and grateful-emo feeling right now.)

OK actually I'm going to try...

Em: I can't, it's gonna be too sappy! I want to be all "OMG THESE ARE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL AMAZING GIRLS" but that's not very specific and imaginable the way their memories are. Hmm... I remember ADVENT times- for our first Advent season all living together, we decided to pray together on Sunday evenings. We ended up loving it so much that we just have tried to keep Sunday nights (with varying levels of success) free to be just the 4 of us and to pray and share about our lives and what's going on in our hearts. Even though it's not actually DURING the Christmas season, because that's when it started we still refer to it as "having Advent". I love those times so much.

I love when we all go for walks together, either as a whole group or in pairs or 3s. I feel like we're just the most OURSELVES during those times... we're either just chatty and debrief about our weeks, or INSANELY goofy and hyper (we really have scared half of the Wheaton population on our hyper laughing hysterically walks) or it's an easy time for us to go really deep and process something with each other. I love that we know which houses in the neighborhoods are cute because we've wandered these streets so many times.

Christine again... OK. I think that's pretty good.

WE LOVE THE HESED SUITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!